I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
