Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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