Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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