I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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