Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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