i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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