i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's get the cat blown out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
