You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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