So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize