the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
