I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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