how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
