I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
