Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.