Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder