he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals