When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well