I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy