A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
FUCK WHALES
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
