would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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