once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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