Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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