omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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