I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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