I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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