I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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