you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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