i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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