Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
