am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
