I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
