textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize