i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
