When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
