so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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