I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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