My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
