Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize