Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
