he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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