the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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