she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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