i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
