just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
