can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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