he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
