He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
