im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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