Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
