I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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