i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
