I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
