Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
