i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
