my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize