he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
