They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if only i could text you this smell
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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