My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
