I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
