you didnt know i had herpes?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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