no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
