I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize