You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
